Okay, before we get started, let's go ahead and take a moment to push past the fact that it's been almost six years since A Dance With Dragons was released, and Winds of Winter's release date is still one gigantic question mark. Remember how GRRM said that he would have the books finished before the show caught up to it? Yeah...us, too. That was cute.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Okay, let's continue.
Everyone and their brother and their brother's mother has been talking about the upcoming Game of Thrones spinoffs. But how much is fact and how much is fiction?
We wanted to hear it straight from the horse's mouth, and by "hear" we mean "read", and by "horse's mouth" we mean "Westeros's creator's LiveJournal" (You read that right... LiveJournal. And no, this article is not a portkey that just transported you back to 2002). Let's set a couple of things straight:
1. Are there four GoT spinoffs?
First of all, what started as a plan to create four spiraled out of control into a plan to create five. (Because when were four spinoffs ever enough? I know what you're thinking...Law and Order. And I love Benson too much to argue but shut up.) In reality, there probably won't actually be four OR five spinoffs. GRRM confirmed that five pilot scripts are being written.
Second of all, it's unlikely that all five will even be filmed as pilots, let alone picked up for full seasons for us to gluttonously watch (while praying to the Old Gods and the New that Winds of Winter is still in the works...to, you know...be finished).
Third of all, George RR Martin does not truly consider these as "spinoffs" since zero (0) of them will contain characters from ASOIAF that we love and/or hate. That "and" is looking at you, Jaime Lannister. <3
2. Will one of the "spinoffs" be about Robert's Rebellion?
You probably guessed it by now...NO!
George basically said that once A Song of Ice and Fire is finished (hahaha), we will know all we need to know about Robert's Rebellion, and it will be a "twice-told tale". We don't foresee that being an issue because all 1/2/3/4/5 spinoffs-that-aren't-actually-spinoffs could be released and have their own spinoffs-that-aren't-spinoffs by the time we even get a Winds of Winter release date.
Of course once it was revealed that four (or 1/2/3/5) "spinoffs" were being considered, we started asking ourselves, "TF are the 'spinoffs' actually going to be about?" We pondered, and we argued, and we laughed, and we cried and we came up with five that we think/hope might actually make it to HBO for us to watch every Sunday and pretend our lives are a little less Finance and a lot more Dragon. Here we go:
1) Children of the Forest/Creation of the White Walkers/The Night King
For those of you who skipped the books and dove head first into HBO's beautiful creation, you might not know that The Night King *could* be a MF Stark. History: the Night King was once a human (A HUMAN THAT WAS LORD COMMANDER OF THE NIGHT'S WATCH) who fell in love with a woman "with skin as white as the moon and eyes like blue stars". So apparently, this Lord Commander like gave up everything for his love (i.e. White Walker demon friend) and married her but ended up being overthrown only to disappear with his lady-lover / life-sucker. And legend has it that this Lord Commander turned Night King was a Stark which makes total sense because the Starks and the Wall go way back. And you'll never guess who built the GD wall. Bran the Builder AKA Brandon Stark AKA Bran Stark AKA is it Baby Bran back in time I don't even know what's going on.
2) Blackfyre Rebellion
This is like Targaryen v Targaryen in a full on Targaryen showdown that will end up with I'm guessing some Targaryens shedding some Targaryen blood. One's a bastard, the other is a King. Who. Will. Win? It was repeatedly said that the Blackfyre Rebellion split Westeros in half. Sound familiar? How many times and in how many ways can poor 'Steros be split? Only a non-spinoff-spinoff can answer these questions. Any many more.
3) Azor Ahai/Lightbringer
Before there was Melisandre and her fiery fierce grandma bod, there was just a dude standing in front of a girl asking her to let him thrust into her heart with his sword in order to make it magical. Just kidding, that didn't happen. He didn't ask, he just did it. CUE Lightbringer. Cue the magicMagic sword that will probably (not, because we're betting on the dragons) save the day in our current GoT timeline. Who doesn't love a good love story? And what's a better love story than Azor Ahai, Nissa Nissa and the sword that came between them? And yes, we are quite aware of the phallic implications here..........
4) Aegon the Conquerer/Visenya/Rhaenys (Dragonriders)
Our guy Aegon is the Targaryen that conquered six of the Seven Kingdoms, made all them other rulers bend the knee, and commissioned that Iron Throne all of our current GoT peeps are fighting to sit/stab themselves on. Dorne was the only kingdom of the seven to remain independent after The Conquest. We def would be interested in watching and learning more about the Yellow Toad, Dorne's 80 year old blind and bald princess that was apparently able to hold down the fort when all others failed (#bossassbitch). But most importantly, we find ourselves intrigued by the polyamorous relationship between Aegon and his dragon-riding sister-wives Visenya and Rhaenys that's less like Big Love and more like, well, Game of Thrones. And we obvi don't mind the opportunity to introduce ourselves to three more dragons: Meraxes, Vhagar, and BALERION THE DREADDDDD. Please, GRRM: Bring on the dragons.
5) The Doom of Valyria
It's like Pompeii, but with dragons and magic. Spoiler alert: almost everyone dies. Also, Kit Harrington (Jon Snow) was in the movie Pompeii, so it seems very much like a 7 Degrees of Kevin Bacon kinda thing except not really but it means something right? This "spinoff" might not be as romantic as the tales of love mentioned earlier, but it would definitely be action packed. It's basically war after war after war until the Targaryens come out on top because, you guessed it, dragons. This would give us insight into the history of the Free Cities, Slaver's Bay, and the reasons behind the Targaryens coming to Westeros in the first place. If this isn't turned into a TV show, we could definitely see it as a 3 1/2 hour movie starring Tom Hardy or one of the Hemsworths.
What do you think the somewhere-between-one-and-five prequel(s) will be about? Agree with our speculations? Have other ideas? Let's discuss! Share your thoughts in the comments below.