Top Five Most Satisfying *Fictional* Deaths

I'm not sure what this says about us, but there are few things we enjoy more than watching/reading villains go dowwwwnnn. Like...all the way down.  Like dead. We may have argued more on this list than any other to date, not just on who to include (because there are so many gruesome deaths near and dear to our hearts) but what order to put these in. Here is our Top Five list that one of us may or may not have gotten our way on as far as order:

5. The Ring / Sauron

Whether you read the books or watched the movies (and chances are you fit into at least one of those categories if you're looking at our website), you spent many a day and night hating this ring that turned your favorite hobbits into angry, tired, scheming little grumpykins. What was essentially Sauron's horcrux wreaked havoc on not only the most peaceful creatures ever, but the always-honorable-and-noble Sean Bean. Though there is an argument as to whether or not Sauron actually died when the Ring Bye-Felicia'ed its way into Mount Doom, we at HBP refuse to acknowledge a world where Halflings and Elves have to do anything but eat, let alone battle another one of Sauron's orc-war temper tantrums.  

4.  HBO* Ramsay Bolton

 HBO

HBO

Literally the hardest thing we've ever had to do in our lives is put Ramsay Bolton as #4 on this list. Maybe it's because the next 3 are that awful, maybe it's because we remember him as Simon on Misfits and can't quite let go. But one thing is certain: the Bolton Bastard mixed with weapons and extensive mental health issues was a recipe for such a glorious and long-awaited death that you have no other choice but to shut down your computer and leave work to watch his end again. Is there anyone alive that doesn't feed their dog and imagine that they're feeding their canine-child liiiiitttle tiny pieces of Ramsay mixed in with that Chunks of Beef in Gravy feast? We think not.

3. HBO* Joffrey "Baratheon" 

He might be some little brat with a mom-aunt and dad-uncle, but that's not what made his wine-induced choke fest so appealing. He was a combination of that kid you hated in Middle School, Chucky, and Vlad the Impaler. He killed his betrothed's direwolf (*cries forever*), he killed her dad, and then he showed her her said-dad's head on a spike. He tortured that realllyyyyy nice prostitute. And he was just annoying to look at. As far as we knew from the first three seasons of Game of Thrones, only the good characters died. So the main reason Joffrey beats Ramsay on this list is because his death wasn't a certainty to us then, and thus much more satisfying when it actually happened. BUT LET IT BE SAID: if there's a way to go, it's death by wine. Malbec murder might be better than becoming dog chow, but watching his creepy little face turn purple made us cheer so hard we almost lost our voices and considered calling in to work that next day. 

 HBO

HBO

2. HBO* Walder Frey

 HBO

HBO

The reason Walder is at #2 on our list isn't because of how much we wanted him dead (which was... a lot), but how much we loved Arya killing him. To see him die in any other way would have been aight, but the fact that a Stark's face was the last thing he saw gave us warm blood-thirsty fuzzies all over. The Red Wedding made us so sick that we had to miss a few days of work, so FINALLY getting the vengeance we've been desperately seeking for three seasons felt like Christmas morning. 

1. Voldemort (duh)

Two words: Cedric Diggory. And then there's, you know, Harry's parents, his owl, his friends, Dumbledore, Snape (RIP), and oh yeah, Harry himself when he was an infant. These deaths and more put this kid-killing sonofabitch at the top of our list. He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named was our generation's first real villain, our first taste of hatred, and the first death we craved. We don't blame J.K. for bringing these feelings out of our 10-year-old selves, we applaud her. Harry got by with a little help from his friends (Ok, a substantial amount of help), but in the end, the Boy Who Lived finally destroyed the One Who Would Never Die. Siriusly, would neverrrr die. He got killed more times than anyone we've ever met. Maybe invest a little less in horcruxes and a little more in frequent flier miles. Get a tan on that sickly pale nose-less face and pet your snake on a beach somewhere for the rest of your days. Maybe take a chill pill on all that kid-killing and you can stay alive for a lil bit.   

 

*: We aren't caught up on the books ***yet***, so our feelings on the GoT deaths are solely based on how the characters/deaths are perceived on HBO.