Game of Thrones came and went like Tyrion in a brothel, and now Sunday is just the day before Monday.
Outlander comes back tonight and we couldn't be readier/the most ready/ready af. Could we BE any readier?! We know we aren't alone in this. Have you caught yourself calling friends/enemies/coworkers "Sassenach", much to their dismay? Did you just answer that question with "I dinna ken what you're talking about"? If you answered yes to at least one of those questions, you've been experiencing the thirst as well. Well, get ready to be quenched, little babies, because the Outlander drought...the aptly named Droughtlander....is over.
Put on your kilt, grab your scotch, and read below to see a few reasons why our hearts are all a pitter-patter for the return.
5. Bonnie Prince Charlie
Mark us, we canNOT wait to hear BPC say "mark me". Extra points if he says it whilst drunk. All the points if he says it during a hissy fit. The first time we watched the second season of Outlander, he seemed more "pest" and less "YAS!" That definitely changed during the next rewatch(es). Listen, when a belligerently drunk, sexually deviant, wig-rocking, pantaloon-dropping, entitled and exiled little honey comes at us with a drink in his hand and a rebellion in his heart, we can't help but want to Geillis our way back through the stones to support the Jacobite cause. Even if the last time he says our favorite line is to utter, "Mark me, bye...", we'll be satisfied. (Seriously, can those be the last words the little slippery slimy sublime slime of man says while slipping out of the death-of-the-Highland-way-of-life-battle that he begged to be funded and demanded to happen?)
4. The Death of Black Jack Randall
Black Jack Randall isn't one of those villains you love to hate or hate to love. We just hate hate Black Jack (only slightly more than we hated Jack Black in Shallow Hal (dick.)). No one needs to relive those scenes that are burned into our memories and nightmares, so we won't go into the specifics of why his death is so crucial to our happiness. We will say, however, that we are fully stocked with champagne and confetti poppers for the moment that this motherfucker dies. Our only regret is that it didn't happen sooner so that we could have included him in our Top Five Most Satisfying *Fictional* Deaths article.
3. Fergus All Grown Up
Does grown-up Fergus still refer to Jamie and Claire as "m'lord" and "m'lady"? We can only hope and speculate. What we do know for sure is that he's not a little boy anymore...he. is. a. man. A French man. With a French accent. Best known for his upcoming role in Outlander as grown up Fergus, Cesar Domboy will be joining the cast of Outlander as grown up Fergus.
2. The Fashion
We are willing to bet a million dollars that as soon as you read that reason #2 was "The Fashion", you immediately thought of Season Two's red dress. *Pause to swoon* We drooled more over that dress than we did over the imaginary meal in Spielberg's Hook. Bangarang.
We are both suckers for period dramas, and much of that is due to the costumes. Typically, you get a glimpse into one period. Downton Abbey. Fantastic Beasts. Marie Antoinette. Pride & Prejudice. Gone with the Wind. Dirty Dancing. The Dirty Dancing remake starring Abigail Breslin. But one of the reasons Outlander is so precious, my precious, to us is that you get to sample all of the periods. In Season 3 alone, we'll get 1940s-1960s British & American fashions and 1700s Scottish styles. Add in the 18th century French wardrobe of the second season and you have a TV show chock-full of closet goals.
We love the corsets. We love the capes. We love the flannel. The 60s glasses. The 1945 dress that doubles as a 1743 nightgown. Have they won awards for their costumes? They should win awards for their costumes. We need their costumes. Starting with one of King Louis's robes plz.
(And if you're so inclined, Hot Topic is releasing their second Outlander-inspired collection on September 12.)
1. Jamie & Claire
If you haven't seen Outlander, well, first of all, most of our jokes have just gone over your head at this point. But second of all, imagine Jamie and Claire as Romeo and Juliet, if Romeo and Juliet were played by 40 year old actors playing 20 year old characters. And instead of "star-crossed" meaning that they come from families that don't get along, it means that they were born 2 centuries apart and sometimes, but not sometimes, are separated by a big rock. If that doesn't pique your interest, we legit don't know what will.
While we often gigg' at the actor/character age discrepancy, we can't imagine Jamie and Claire being brought to life by anyone other than Sam Heughan and Caitriona Balfe. Their chemistry is off the charts. The way he yells "CLARR!" with the roll of the 'r' when he's searching for his damsel in distress makes our knees weak. The way she shows season after season that she's no damsel in distress has us standing tall again. But our favorite parts are when they team up to literally make love and not war.
This may be a list of our top 5 reasons, but there isn't a close second. (Kinda like Frank. Sorry, Frank.) We want to see Jamie, we want to see Claire, and most importantly we want to see them together. Strip away everything else, and as long as we have the reunion we've been desperately thirsting for, we will be quenched. Because let's face it, Droughtlander isn't truly over until they are in the same place at the same time period. Period.