Top Five Fandom Fashion Flops

There aren't many things we love more than a well-executed alliteration...but one of them is the top notch costumery (did we make up that word? Don't look it up, nerd.) in our favorite fandoms. However, there's been a time or two (or five) where the costume designers must have had to come in early on a Monday and decided to take it out on the rest of us.

Here are the five that hurt the worst:

5. Doctor Who: The Ninth Doctor

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He looks fine if you're into the whole creepy-uncle-going-through-his-third-divorce look... but in a universe full of high-waisty plaid plants and floor-length rainbow scarves, we couldn't help but be disappointed by the oversized leather jacket & purple baby V tee. The only thing missing from his I'm-a-cool-dad aesthetic is a hoop earring and a case of Natty Light. 

 

4. Hunger Games: Peeta 

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We're just going to say this... if you're going to take less concern in touching up the "natural blonde character"'s roots than we do with getting to work on time, then just make the character a brunette. 

 

 

 

3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Xander

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Ohhhh Xander. We could get behind the eye patch. We could (sort of) get behind the oversized Tommy Bahama shirts that were always unbuttoned >1 too many. What we just can't let go of (Jack) is his collection of necklaces. Yes, plural. The chains, the charms, the puka-shells, it's too much! And they're almost all chokers...Jordan Catalano you are not, Sir.  

 

 

 

2. The X-Files (photo shoot): Fox Mulder

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Let us be clear....the show never missed the mark. The suits, the other suits, the bloody suits, the torn suits, the lab coats (doctor suits), the pajama suits: The X-Files was always on point. They might not have made everyone believe in aliens, but they didn't have a hard time making everyone believe in Fashion with a capital F. Now, let's talk about the David LaChapelle photos... The entire shoot features David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, and Pleather. How much pleather? All of the pleather. The worst, though? The pink and red ensemble with the black gonna-tickle-you gloves. They're like if Ross's pants had a baby with a body bag. 

 

1. Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire: Just everyone.

We're pretty certain that the main thing everyone remembers about GoF is the shag. No one was exempt from it, not even Mad-Eye Moody or Cedric Diggory (though his was more of a shag shrug). BEFORE YOU SAY that it's "a result of the times", let us remind you that Prisoner of Azkaban came out only one year prior and everyone looked perfectly respectable. Was there a British Barber strike during filming? Or was the hair-and-makeup team really feeling those derelict-Ashton-Kutcher vibes?

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Top Five On-Screen Daddies

Let's be clear that we are not talking about "daddy" in the traditional sense of the term. These contenders are not your father and are not (necessarily) your sugar daddies. When we're talking "Daddy", we mean... someone that's sure of themselves. Someone that is the authority on all things "daddy". Protectors. Rebels. Stoics. Tall, dark, and daddy. Now mind you, not all Daddies are male. We're daddy. You may be daddy, too. But for this list, we compiled our current top five favorite on-screen male daddies. 

These are in NO particular order.  However, we are going to label them like they are members of a boyband supergroup... Spice Daddies, if you will.

5. Scary Daddy: Walter White (Bryan Cranston) from Breaking Bad

Though Walter White may be a father, that's not what makes him daddy. Only a true daddy could be as cocky as Walter White is in a pair of tighty whities.  And. We. Are. In. To. It. He uses science to get daddy shit done, like a meth-cooking, straight-up-murdering, "I am the danger" Bill Nye.  (And don't even pretend like you didn't spend your adolescent years fantasizing about what's under the Science Guy's lab coat.) He may have been a great Chemistry teacher, but we wish he could teach us a course in Daddy.

4. Grungy Daddy: Fred Andrews (Luke Perry) from Riverdale

Let's face it: Luke Perry's been Daddy since 90210. One of us may or may not have had a giant puzzle of a Teen Beat-esque headshot of Luke in the 90s. The CW's definitely upped their game with the addition of Riverdale, a somewhat-based-on-the-Archie-Comics show that mixes the vibe of Twin Peaks with Gossip Girl and is CHOCK-FULL of Daddy (Skeet Ulrich is another father Daddy on the show, sooooo.......). It's our current obsession and a large part of that is Fred Andrews, the trying-his-best daddy that just can't catch a break but still manages to hook up with your friend's mom. So. Much. Daddy.

3. Secret Guardian Daddy: Severus Snape (Alan Rickman) from the Harry Potter series

Alan Rickman was a daddy in his own right, but for the sake of this "on-screen" list, we will gladly use Severus. Professor Snape is sexy brooding wrapped in a cloak. Others may have questioned Snape's loyalty in the books/movies, but In Daddy We Trusted. There's nothing more Daddy than spending your life, and ultimately giving your life, protecting an innocent in the name of true love. We had total faith in Dumbledore (another one of our favorite Daddies) that he had not misplaced his trust. Snape is Sneaky Daddy, he's Selfless Daddy, he's Dark Arts Daddy, and he's Always Daddy. (BRB, crying break...) 

2. Library Daddy: Rupert Giles (Anthony Head) from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the show)

There are not many things more attractive than a glasses-wearing, book-reading, has-all-the-answers-always Daddy. Oh wait, there is... A glasses-wearing, book-reading, has-all-the-answers-always Daddy with an accent. He has no qualms with ignoring his orders from the Council to do what he thinks is right, which is WAY Daddy. He has the patience to find the answers, but also has the strength to fight battles and kick ass by Buffy's side. He hangs out in cemeteries and sends vampires straight to hell, all while wearing a three-piece tweed suit. This Daddy be fashionable af.

1. Magic Daddy: Gandalf the Grey AND Gandalf the White (Ian McKellen) from the Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Gandalf is everything. Gandalf is Daddy. He died fighting a MF'in Balrog and came back! He's Resurrected Daddy. Not only did he come back, but he came back shinier and prettier than before. He's Diamond Daddy. He knew he couldn't resist the power of the ring, so he entrusted it to the only species he thought could. He's SELF-CONTROL-OFF-THE-CHARTS DADDY. He brought Bilbo home. He brought Frodo home. He's Journey Daddy. Gandalf is bearded and scowly and wise and blows smoke rings like a boss. Gandalf is everything. Gandalf is Daddy.

Top Five Reasons Voldemort Would Make A Better President Than Trump

Hello, fellow princesses. You may have been asking yourself over the last few months (or maybe you didn't even notice) where we went. This was going so well. Things seemed so promising. But sometimes you have your heart broken so truly madly deeply that you have to hole up with a pint of ice cream and your favorite Harry Potter book and pretend the world doesn't exist outside of Herbology with Professor Sprout or adventuring in the Forbidden Forest with Firenze. Listen, when a bigger monster than Voldemort became the 45th President of the United States, our hearts broke harder than when than when our first crushes ignored our "secret admirer letters", when Blue Bell discontinued Banana Split ice cream, when Firefly was cancelled...even when Dobby died. Our Trumpression was so consuming, so unrelenting, that it felt inappropriate, artificial, insincere to pretend to you all that we found anything alluring/charming/nerdy/appealing enough to write about and share. 

But that time has passed.

We are well past denial, bargaining and depression.  We're holding on to the anger just a wee bit longer to fuel the resistance, but we are finally ready to dive back in to all the fandoms that we hold so dear, and reconnect with any of you taking the time to read our little blog.  

I think some, if not most, of you could agree that there are far more than five reasons why Voldemort would make a better President than Donald Trump, but we've done our best to narrow it down to five. Please feel free to add more to the Comments section below. 

 

5. His followers look more "punk rock" and less "date rape".

Okay, we know this one is a bit superficial, but the Death Eaters just look more legit than all the little Humpty Trumptys.  We would have a much easier time taking Death Eaters seriously with their snake/skull tatts and head-to-toe black attire than we would a horde of 20-or-60 year old white males all sporting polo shirts, khaki cargo shorts, and red trucker hats spouting some nonsense about making America great "again".

Let us also consider Lucius's luscious locks and imagine *that* standing next our fearless leader rather than Sean Spicer in his Sean Spicer ties and upside down flag pins. I know we're all on the same page here.  

4. He recognizes the importance of a good education.

When a young Tom Riddle realized that he wanted to become the most powerful figure in the world, he sought out the wisdom of more brilliant wizards. He continued his education. He read books. Not to mention he figured out the whole immortality thing.  

He did not, however, get all of his intel from Rita Skeeter's articles in the Daily Prophet. He did not create a fake university that taught young minds to, um...? And to top it off, he almost always waited until Harry had finished his school year to try to kill him.

One more thing: he chose Severus Snape, the MF Half Blood Prince, to rule the most influential wizarding school when he took over. I know whose potions knowledge wouldn't be suffering if he was our Secretary of Education...ours. 

3. He's not sexist.

His right hand person was the baddest chick of all, Bellatrix Lestrange. And though he mainly assigned her to tasks like murder and torture, he definitely did not "move on her like a witch" (that was the line, right?).

2. He did not discriminate based on country of origin.

At the Quidditch World Cup, his followers tormented wizards and muggles from all countries, not just those in the Middle East or Mexico.  Equal Opportunity Dictator.

1. Oh yeah...he's fictional. 

The best part of Voldemort being President rather than Trump is that he's entirely made up.  He was created and defeated with pen and paper (or keyboard, rather...let's get real).  Signs an Executive Order creating Torture Tuesday? *Backspace Backspace Backspace*.  Decides to bomb Durmstrang? *JKJKLOLOLDELETE* Voldemort for President means J.K. Rowling for President and that day would be the best day. 

Voldemort might have made us turn on our night lights, maybe crack the door a little, cuddle a pet a little too tight, then say F it and crawl into bed with mom, but he didn't/doesn't have any power over us once we close the book.  Trump does.  So maybe now is not the time to pretend this is happening in another world far away. Right now we should be gathering up the knowledge and strength to cast that perfect Patronus charm. Dumbledore's Army...commence.    

 

Top Five Most Satisfying *Fictional* Deaths

I'm not sure what this says about us, but there are few things we enjoy more than watching/reading villains go dowwwwnnn. Like...all the way down.  Like dead. We may have argued more on this list than any other to date, not just on who to include (because there are so many gruesome deaths near and dear to our hearts) but what order to put these in. Here is our Top Five list that one of us may or may not have gotten our way on as far as order:

5. The Ring / Sauron

Whether you read the books or watched the movies (and chances are you fit into at least one of those categories if you're looking at our website), you spent many a day and night hating this ring that turned your favorite hobbits into angry, tired, scheming little grumpykins. What was essentially Sauron's horcrux wreaked havoc on not only the most peaceful creatures ever, but the always-honorable-and-noble Sean Bean. Though there is an argument as to whether or not Sauron actually died when the Ring Bye-Felicia'ed its way into Mount Doom, we at HBP refuse to acknowledge a world where Halflings and Elves have to do anything but eat, let alone battle another one of Sauron's orc-war temper tantrums.  

4.  HBO* Ramsay Bolton

HBO

HBO

Literally the hardest thing we've ever had to do in our lives is put Ramsay Bolton as #4 on this list. Maybe it's because the next 3 are that awful, maybe it's because we remember him as Simon on Misfits and can't quite let go. But one thing is certain: the Bolton Bastard mixed with weapons and extensive mental health issues was a recipe for such a glorious and long-awaited death that you have no other choice but to shut down your computer and leave work to watch his end again. Is there anyone alive that doesn't feed their dog and imagine that they're feeding their canine-child liiiiitttle tiny pieces of Ramsay mixed in with that Chunks of Beef in Gravy feast? We think not.

3. HBO* Joffrey "Baratheon" 

He might be some little brat with a mom-aunt and dad-uncle, but that's not what made his wine-induced choke fest so appealing. He was a combination of that kid you hated in Middle School, Chucky, and Vlad the Impaler. He killed his betrothed's direwolf (*cries forever*), he killed her dad, and then he showed her her said-dad's head on a spike. He tortured that realllyyyyy nice prostitute. And he was just annoying to look at. As far as we knew from the first three seasons of Game of Thrones, only the good characters died. So the main reason Joffrey beats Ramsay on this list is because his death wasn't a certainty to us then, and thus much more satisfying when it actually happened. BUT LET IT BE SAID: if there's a way to go, it's death by wine. Malbec murder might be better than becoming dog chow, but watching his creepy little face turn purple made us cheer so hard we almost lost our voices and considered calling in to work that next day. 

HBO

HBO

2. HBO* Walder Frey

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HBO

The reason Walder is at #2 on our list isn't because of how much we wanted him dead (which was... a lot), but how much we loved Arya killing him. To see him die in any other way would have been aight, but the fact that a Stark's face was the last thing he saw gave us warm blood-thirsty fuzzies all over. The Red Wedding made us so sick that we had to miss a few days of work, so FINALLY getting the vengeance we've been desperately seeking for three seasons felt like Christmas morning. 

1. Voldemort (duh)

Two words: Cedric Diggory. And then there's, you know, Harry's parents, his owl, his friends, Dumbledore, Snape (RIP), and oh yeah, Harry himself when he was an infant. These deaths and more put this kid-killing sonofabitch at the top of our list. He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named was our generation's first real villain, our first taste of hatred, and the first death we craved. We don't blame J.K. for bringing these feelings out of our 10-year-old selves, we applaud her. Harry got by with a little help from his friends (Ok, a substantial amount of help), but in the end, the Boy Who Lived finally destroyed the One Who Would Never Die. Siriusly, would neverrrr die. He got killed more times than anyone we've ever met. Maybe invest a little less in horcruxes and a little more in frequent flier miles. Get a tan on that sickly pale nose-less face and pet your snake on a beach somewhere for the rest of your days. Maybe take a chill pill on all that kid-killing and you can stay alive for a lil bit.   

 

*: We aren't caught up on the books ***yet***, so our feelings on the GoT deaths are solely based on how the characters/deaths are perceived on HBO.

Top Five OTPs of all time

5. Amy & Rory

"You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful, and then you actually talk to them, and five minutes later they're as dull as a brick? Then there's other people, and you meet them and think, 'Not bad, they're OK.' And then you get to know them, and their face just sort of becomes them?  Like their personality is written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful.  Rory's the most beautiful man I've ever met."

Doctor Who

bbc.co.uk

bbc.co.uk

Amy Pond and Rory Williams are probably one of the most heartwarming and heartbreaking couples ever to appear on TV. Known as the 11th Doctor's companions from Seasons 5-7, A&R basically define the term "grand romantic gesture". Rory dies, comes back as a robot Centurion, and protects Amy's dying body as it's trapped in the Pandorica for 2,000 (read it…thousand) years. In the end, Amy allows herself to be touched by a weeping angel, one of THE scariest TV villains of all time, so that she can be shot back in time to live out her days Doctor-less with Rory. A&R persevere through an almost divorce, an adult friend that turns out to be their infant daughter from the future through some timey-wimey magic, villain after villain, and being separated time and time again from 36 years in one episode to over 2,000 years in another episode. This couple, The Boy Who Waited and later the Girl Who Waited, should make even sci-fi haters watch and appreciate Doctor Who

4. Jim & Pam

"Four years ago, I was just a guy who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. And I had to do the hardest thing that I've ever had to do, which was just to wait…"

The Office

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imgur.com

Oh Jim. We all had to wait. There were times that I wanted Jim and Pam to have a relationship more than I wanted one for myself. Having feelings for someone that's unavailable is pretty universal, so their relatability factor was off the charts. From the shared headphone sway-dancing to the rainy gas station proposal, their subtle but epic romance had us all craving a cubicle office lover of our own. 

3. Mulder & Scully

"Scully, you have to believe me. Nobody else on this whole damn planet does or ever will. You're my one in five billion."

X-Files

Fox

Fox

Mulder and Scully, Scully and Mulder…has there ever been a duo that completes each other more fully? She believes in scientifically proven facts; he believes in…aliens. These two have spent 10 long seasons, 2 movies, and a very recent mini season follow-up balancing each other out in the most grandiose alien-battling, flashlight-waving ways. Our yin and yang, peanut butter and jelly, sun and moon; we will never give up hope for M&S. I want to believe…that a handsome FBI agent and feisty red-headed scientist can make it work (what do you say, Chris Carter?).  

2. Ross & Rachel

"WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!"

Friends

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TBS

Ross Gellar and Rachel Green gave hope to the masses. He was the dork and she was the princess. When Friends started, Ross had had a crush on Rachel, his sister's best friend, for about a decade. Her failed almost-wedding and his recent divorce (#1) from his lesbian wife re-ignited his hope that he'd have a shot with his dream girl. Ross and Rachel shippers did NOT have it easy. They were almost together, then they were almost together, then they were together, then they had a fight/break-up (depending which one you ask), then they really broke up, then they were almost back together, then Ross didn't read the 18 page letter FRONT AND BACK so they definitely broke up again, then Ross marries Emily but says Rachel's name at the altar, then Ross goes through Divorce #2, then Ross goes crazy (but here we truly get Ross gold: the tan, the white teeth, the moist-maker meltdown, etc.), then there's the drunken Vegas wedding, then there's the secret non-anullment, then there's the not-so-secret Divorce (#3), then there's a one-night-stand which leads to a baby, then there's a lot of back and forth until they finallyyyyyy got together in the Season TEN Series Finale. It was an emotional roller coaster for all Friends fans, but worth the ride because "he's her lobster."

1. Ron and Hermione

"Just because it's taken you three years to notice, Ron, doesn't mean no one else has spotted I'm a girl!" 

Harry Potter

On one side we have Ron: more often than not, our comedic relief. He's always eating, never getting spells or sports quite right, causing Harry to get into a little more trouble than he would have on his own, and is seemingly oblivious to his surroundings. And then we have Hermione: perfection. She's brilliant, feisty, empathetic, and saves Harry and Ron's lives from Book 1 (through Book 7, let's be real). They couldn't be more different, except when it comes to their fierce love for their friends. Both Ron and Hermione sacrifice themselves multiple times to save each other and to save Harry. And let's keep in mind that we meet these characters at age 11. Ok so maybe we lied a little bit before…Ron & Hermione might balance each other out more than any other dynamic duo listed above. Some of the lightest parts in the darkest books are the moments where we get to see these two childhood best friends spark into a little love flame. We're pretty sure the song "We Found Love in a Hopeless Place" was written about them. Ron and Er-my-nee, sitting in a whomping willow, destroying horcruxes, casting spells, and K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

WB

WB